It’s almost springtime in Brazil. I was walking around in a t-shirt two days ago and almost froze to death this evening. The weather is one of the things I can count on to be unpredictable everywhere I go. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending upon your point of view), I don’t get outside much—mostly I am working inside with groups of people. Today I had two meetings with two groups and was struck by how similar conversations seem to be in this world of global business. Everyone seems to read the same business magazines, use the same buzzwords and have the same long list of concerns starting with how to stimulate growth while cutting costs. This is business—and it is the same around the world.

My business partner had her 51st birthday today. She is 8 years older than the next oldest person (other than myself) present in today’s meetings. I am 22 years older than that person, who happened to be the boss. This is a very big and successful company, part of an even bigger multinational enterprise. The average age of their senior people is around 33. I might not have even thought about age today except for the birthday cake we brought into the meeting to surprise my colleague. As I reflected, however, I was struck by how much of a non-issue this was for anyone. My work in the company seems to be unaffected at both the professional and personal levels by age at all.

What I realize is that one explanation for why age is a non-issue is that we all share certain common concerns, such as the success of the business, empowering the people, and figuring out better ways of working. We are also engaged in a serious commitment to changing the organizational culture and achieving what seem like impossible goals. We’ve also learned to relate to each other’s commitments, rather than relate to each other based on how we feel or what we think of each other. Most of the time, when someone is upset, they have a lot of space to express themselves and, while people are open to requests, there isn’t a lot of effort to ‘help’ or sympathize—-folks are mostly responsible and relate to other as being responsible adults.

This ‘young’ group of men and women are extraordinarily mature and clear that they have a choice about almost everything and that the future is up to them. Who they are is more important to them than how old (or young) they are. Producing results, having their work be meaningful and enjoyable, empowering others and ‘playing the game of work’ to push the boundaries of what is possible is what motivates everyone.

I wonder what our communities and societies might be like if everyone lived by the example of these ‘young’ people. Speaking for myself, I don’t experience being even a little bit ‘older’ than everyone else in this kind of an environment. It is the closest I have come to experiencing the way it looks when something is a non-issue. It is totally missing from anyone’s awareness—it’s not even present in any way in our conversations. We all contribute whatever we have to contribute and are all learning and growing and succeeding in the process of day-to-day activities together.

I think this may be what it looks like when we are ‘eldering’—that is, when people of my generation are collaborating with younger people in a mutual commitment to take on intractable problems. I am sure that I could not produce the results that have been produced by this team even in my wildest dreams. I am reasonably confident that they would not have produced these results without me. Together, we did something that by any reasonable standard would have been deemed impossible 18 months ago. And we cannot imagine what will be possible 18 months from now.

The Eldering Institute was founded 3 months ago as our ‘stake in the ground’ for the possibility that these kinds of projects can become more of the rule than the exception. I am inspired by what this group of people have accomplished and I think that they are inspired as well. Imagine if, rather than debating the nature and causes of the long list of horrible problems on our planet, we joined hands and ‘took them on’ with all the grace and generosity that we’re capable of. I don’t think that intelligence, talent or skills are what make the difference here: I think extraordinary commitments do. And the proof of what is possible is clearly observable in the results this group of people has achieved, in their relationships with one another, in the smiles on their faces and on the faces of their families.

Bravo Brazil—especially this group of Brazilians. Take a bow!


Like to read more of my posts? Visit my site at www.sereneambition.com.

Either/or.

This way of thinking about and relating to life is one of the most persistent and difficult aspects of our culture. Everything is either this or that. And if it isn’t this, it must be that.

We are either independent or dependent.

We are either the part or the whole.

We can be unified and whole or we can be fragmented and incomplete.

If something isn’t true, it must be false.

If something isn’t wrong, then it is right.

And on it goes….

This either/or mode of observing and thinking about the world is not a function of our brains. It is a philosophical and social construct that has become a central assumption of our way of being in the world, an assumption that leaves us with innumerable paradoxes and inexplicable mysteries that fall outside this well-defined, black-and-white way of being.

By ‘way of being’ I mean our fundamental relationship with life, with ourselves and other people—even with the concept of time. Nothing is more fundamental to ‘who we are’ than our ‘being’. Normally this is transparent and taken for granted, but it is possible to distinguish it easily in other people, usually as expressed through moods and attitudes but also in their character and commitments in life. What is also true is that when we can distinguish ‘who we are’ from ‘what we do’, we can begin to take responsibility for our way of being and even begin to exercise self-mastery and the power of intentionality.

When we distinguish a relationship with something larger than ourselves, we form the basis of an idea that can encompass both individual freedom and inter-dependence. If there were only an individual, the distinction of  ‘individual’ could not exist. The individual would be ‘everything’. From a philosophical perspective, we exist because of everything that we are not. We are only able to experience ourselves separately from everything else around us because everything else is ‘not us’. The idea of independence is an interpretation, for we are dependent upon everything else to ‘be’ in order to define our own existence.

People who meditate or engage in various spiritual or metaphysical disciplines learn that transcending the illusion of the ‘false self’ (the ego) creates an opening for enlightenment, for the discovery that we are always antonymous and one with the ‘whole’.

Many of us realize this intuitively as we grow older. We may find serenity and inner peace with this recognition that who we are is not a ‘thing’ that is always ‘this’ or ‘that’—an appreciative perspective that allows us to be more than an object in an objective/subjective universe.

Wisdom begins when we are able to be responsible for it all, but not limited by our circumstances including the condition of our bodies as we age. To reconcile the paradox of polarity, we must encompass and ‘be’ the whole which includes both unity and separation.

A friend of mine sent me a site about conscious aging. It sounds like we’re on the same page, but thought I would take a minute to clarify what comes to mind when I hear that term. First of all, it is a term that to me seems to be synonymous with ‘conscious living’, since everyone is aging all the time. In this case, it is obvious that the term refers to ‘getting older consciously’ that further suggests that the alternative is to grow older ‘unconsciously’.

It makes we think about what it means to be ‘unconscious’. It means, for example, not being present. The term suggests being asleep or ‘out of it’ or perhaps just living life on automatic—going through the motions without thought or awareness that there is any other possibility to what one is already doing. Living consciously has been for most of our generation something close to ‘being enlightened’, being awake to the miracle of life in all its permutations and open to experiencing the full spectrum of spiritual and material possibilities.

I do think that as we age, there are lots of pressures to make us unconscious. We grow into a cultural story that we must slow down, that after a certain point, life is a process of loss and decline, that we’re ‘past our prime’ and that we need to be careful with our scarce resources and step aside for the next generation. You all know the story. My goodness, if this were true, wouldn’t we all want to be unconscious? How else would we tolerate the boredom, the loneliness, and the tedium of waiting to die?

I prefer to think that ‘conscious aging’ means growing older with an awareness that we have at every moment of our lives a choice in how we experience whatever is going on and that we can transform our experience of living at any time. It means being responsible in the sense of ‘owning’ our circumstances and choosing for reality to be what it is. Only then do we recover the ability to create alternatives and free ourselves of the past and a predictable future. I think that ‘conscious aging’ means being clear about the difference between our thinking, our feelings and our bodies and who we are as creators of possibilities and choosers of how we interpret and relate to our world. Further, I believe that each and every human being knows at some level that what we want most is to give back and contribute whatever we can from this brief journey.

Today, my family placed my mother’s ashes into the Columbarium at the National Cemetery in Dallas, Texas. It was a brief moment for us to say goodbye again. Afterwards, in thinking about her life, I would have to say that she was someone who, for the last 10 or 15 years of her life, lived with quiet dignity and stubborn acceptance of deteriorating health. She resisted new ideas and suggestions that might have allowed her to have more choices and possibilities than she allowed herself to consider. She was a good woman who did her best, loved her family and held firmly to what she believed and thought. She lived in her comfort zone and I am sure she died with confidence that her choices throughout her life were the best possible choices given the circumstances.

She was not, in my opinion an example of ‘conscious aging’. I don’t know what her later years would have been had she been 20 or 30 years younger, but I suspect she would have been healthier. She would have undoubtedly stopped smoking. She would probably have taken better care of herself and would have no doubt explored a number of different intellectual and spiritual lifestyle options. The bottom line is that I think she would have had more fun and been happier.

I am committed to the proposition that the whole point—and maybe the only point—to aging (other than as just a purely biological process) is in creating the possibility of continuously expanding our experience of love, health, happiness, being valued and creative self-expression. At the end of the day (or at the end of our lives), I believe this is what it means to have aged consciously.

Like to read more of my posts? Visit my site at www.sereneambition.com.

I am in the process of reorganizing my photographs. One of the most enjoyable fruits of the technological tree in my opinion has been the digital camera and all the cool software that has been developed for playing with our pics. I have been into the shooting of digital pictures for four and have even bought one of the fancy Nikon SLR models. Unfortunately, it is too complicated and not at all intuitive, so until I have time to take some lessons, it patiently waits for me to play with it. In the meantime, I am content with my new little 10 megapixel Sony “point and shoot”. Now you may wonder why anyone would need that many megapixels? The fact is I am a sucker for the latest feature or gizmo. After all, you never know when you will want to blow up an image to the size of a billboard and all those megapixels might reveal a great new photographic talent!

Anyway, today I discovered that I have accumulated 3,700 pictures from various trips, vacations and ‘art photography’ expeditions. These latter jaunts are in the form of a Saturday afternoon ostensibly dedicated to finding that rare museum-quality image that will hang proudly over my fireplace. Unfortunately, photography, while enjoyable, seems to require a smidgen more talent that I have mustered to date. The result: a snapshot is a snapshot in my collection of possible works of art.

Now, to the point of this blog. Over three thousand pictures is a lot to manage. So I bought a $350 software package designed for the purpose of managing them, only to discover that one must have two PhDs to master it: one in photography and another in computer science. I am no doubt exaggerating, but it is a lot tougher to understand than PowerPoint. Even the thought of getting Photoshop is beyond me.

Nonetheless, this humbling acquisition has been a chance to revisit all my photos. One by one, I travel down memory lane and recall some very pleasant times. I am happy that I have these images to bring back those moments. This is, of course, the whole point to taking them. What is less clear to me is what to do with the 150 pictures of me standing next to my daughter (or son) with almost the identical expression on our faces—only the backgrounds differ. If I add to this the number of street scenes of Buenos Aires (I could easily paper the walls of my office with them), then I have a lot more pictures than I need.

Obviously, it is time for me to move to a new rung on the amateur photography ladder and begin to cull out the redundant shots and organize what I do have into some sort of order. There are a lot of courses on how to take pictures, but I can’t find any on how to manage your pictures. (There is a business waiting for someone here….)

What is interesting to observe is that my ego just doesn’t want to let go of any of the pictures. What if I forget something about that trip? Maybe it isn’t such a bad shot after all?  The only ones I have tossed are those that are too out of focus or too dark.  My new software has buttons for fixing the latter along with red eye, contrast and a whole bunch of other stuff I don’t understand. I’ve also discovered ‘cropping’ which might make some of my less interesting photographs usable, although for what I am not certain.

The final irony: I have decided to keep them because after all they are in the computer, they don’t take up much room and maybe someday after I really retire, I will go through them again. Until then, my screen saver cycles through them, so I get to see a couple of memories a minute when I’m not doing anything particular—which is kinda cool. So what if my 3,700 images take up more than half of my hard drive? Computer memory is cheap. My memory, however…well, let’s just call this insurance.

In the old days, this many pictures would require me to fill a bookshelf with albums and the cost of developing them would have put me into serious debt. All in all, the new photo technology is a pretty good deal and even if it has me buried under a mile-high mountain of megapixels, I will get through it. Somehow I will get over my attachment to holding onto all of them. Who knows…maybe someday I will become a better photographer.

Like to read more of my posts? Visit my site at www.sereneambition.com.

One of the things we need to learn if we haven’t learned it by the time we reach retirement and our ‘golden years’ is how to deal with loss. Aside from the obvious loss of friends and family though death and incapacitating illness, we have a host of other things we can ‘lose’, such as systems of support, material possessions, our physical abilities and perhaps most importantly—possibility. Not everyone experiences loss and certainly not in the same way. But loss, whether real or perceived, is one of the primary factors that can either keep us trapped in the past and living into an ever narrower future or it can be a source of great learning and freedom as we grow older.

Buddha taught that suffering is due largely to our attachments. Many philosophers and theologians since have echoed the same theme. We become attached to things and ideas and when we do, they tend to dominate our thinking and even become our predominant way of being on a day-to-day basis. When we lose (or think we’ve lost) something we value or care about or identify with, we experience loss and, for many of us, we also suffer. I sometimes teach that our ‘way of being’ is a habit that we think is the ‘truth’ about who we are. But whatever our ground of being and however it came to be, it organizes our experience of life, defines the boundaries of what is and is not possible, and becomes the context for all our relationships.

Sooner or later, we will be confronted with the loss or potential loss of everything we are attached to.

If we think about it, we can only lose what we’re attached to. Everything that we’re not attached to is just part of the fabric of life. When something in this latter category is lost or destroyed, we might feel bad or wish things were different but we don’t experience loss and we don’t suffer. In this sense, loss is a natural consequence of human experience when we are committed to something and our circumstances don’t line up with our commitment. Anyone who has experienced great loss knows that loss is a breakdown in the context of our deepest commitments to what is important, who we are, and what we value—and when we experience it, we hurt deeply.

I don’t think we have a choice about whether we experience loss. It happens. And when it does, as the saying goes, time will heal it. That may be the only cure for loss. But we do have a choice about is what we are attached to. So if we can learn to let go of our attachments, then we will experience a lot less loss and perhaps transform our experience of what would have been loss into a way of being present in a way that could inspire us—even enrich our lives as we grow older.

This may be the true nature of serenity—the capacity to be present in the process of living day-to-day without expectation or attachments. To accept another’s dying as part of the continuous and inevitable change that is reality. To accept that whatever we have, whatever talents we may have, whatever relationships we enjoy—they are all fleeting in the context of time and our need to hold on to them or resist the forces of change are simply a futile attempt to control that which we cannot control. It is a manifestation of our addiction to our habitual ways of being, our comfort zones, our ego-centered desire for life to be the way we want it.

Perhaps wisdom begins by giving up the notion that we are in control and in letting go or surrendering to the great mystery of existence. I don’t know the answers, but I do have a commitment to have the last third of life be as rich and full as any other. I do know that a lot of people suffer, as they grow older, in part because of the losses they are experiencing. I would wish for them—and for all of us—the wisdom to give up our attachments and to celebrate each day as if it were the last. For in the end, attachments will obviously no longer matter…but the joy and happiness of our living will.

Like to read more of my posts? Visit my site at www.sereneambition.com.

I have a friend who is really upset because she feels she was pressured into a particularly large purchase and not appreciated afterwards. It occurs to me that this could be a concern for many single women, especially as they grow older. We read daily of various scams to help older people part with their money. While I don’t think that women are the only ones affected, they do seem to be targeted more often than not. In the case of my friend, the issue wasn’t one of the salesmen being dishonest, but simply not being particularly sensitive to her feelings. Add to this that he was shortsighted in his failure to say "Thank you" appropriately and you have an 'upset' waiting to happen.

What is interesting from my perspective is not this particular transaction, but how should we think about getting upset in a manner that might bring a level of serenity to our lives. The key is, I think, that we need to be responsible for what upsets us. By that I don’t mean to assume blame for what happens but to ‘own’ the situation, the story and our relationship to the circumstances. Responsibility means the “ability to respond”. It is a state of being, not an assignment of causality. It is akin to ‘acceptance’ in the fullest sense of the serenity prayer—“God, help me accept the things I cannot change”.

Of course, most of us don’t relate to the world ‘as if’ we are responsible for all of it. We relate to the world as being constituted by circumstances ‘beyond our control’ which causes us to feel the way we do. For example how often do we hear “The circumstance frustrates me,” or “He pisses me off, because…”. This way of seeing the world makes us a victim of what we don’t control and are not responsible for. In the case of my friend, she is squandering many hours (and possibly days and weeks) fretting about what happened or what should have happened or the insult she is feeling. She is ‘captured’ by her story of what happened and angry because she didn’t have control in that situation—and is getting even angrier because she doesn’t have control over her anger. She is seeking justification and agreement for her point of view and is defensive if any one suggests she has a choice in how she experiences her situation.

We’ve all been there and may be again. The resolution is not to feel bad about feeling bad or to keep grinding the conversation of who is right over and over. The only resolution I have found on my journey is to ‘own what owns you’. When we have a ‘button’ or ‘trigger’, we need to acknowledge that is our button, and whatever story we have after it is pushed has nothing to do with anything or anyone other than ourselves. We need to ‘get off it’ and let go of our righteousness or point of view or whatever we use to justify holding onto our ‘upset’.

Upsets are the consequence of unfulfilled expectations or thwarted intentions or other variations of not being responsible for our experience of living. We cannot help it when we get upset…that is an involuntary response. We do have a choice about what we do once we get upset. We can ‘act out’ and ‘dramatize’ the emotional content of the experience or we can acknowledge that our button was pushed and consider our part in the matter—in other words, be responsible for having our button pushed.

As I get older, I notice that I have a strong and loud conversation in my head about ‘how things should be’. Perhaps I’ve always had it. Lately, however, it has taken on the weight of authority and I find myself justifying my point of view because of my status as an ‘elder’. I now expect that people will listen to me more because I have experience and my feelings are ‘right’—given my years. When things don’t go the way I think they should, I feel a growing sense of urgency to be heard and acknowledged for my interpretation of the situation and how others should see it.

Obviously life doesn’t work this way, but it might account for why so many older persons are feeling lonely, alienated and unhappy. We must learn to be more accepting as we age and more tolerant of others shortcomings. We must learn to be less self-centered and accept that if we want to be appreciated, we must appreciate others first. People ask me why I am so focused on the process of aging and I say that if we’re going to have a choice about our experience of growing older and avoid the pitfall of viewing aging as a process of decline, then we must assume responsibility for all of it—beginning with our own experience—and transform how we relate to other people and the circumstances of life. From there, we might have a place to stand to contribute whatever wisdom we have and, moreover, have others listen to what we have to say.

And, as this relates to my friend, we can spend a lot more of the time we have left enjoying and celebrating life, perhaps making a contribution—and a lot less time being upset.

Like to read more of my posts? Visit my site at www.sereneambition.com.

My friends and I have been told by a couple of our wives and girlfriends that we are a unique group of men. It is ironic that we don’t really understand why, but we are all extremely open, vulnerable and nurturing in our relationships with each other, as well as with other people in our lives. I don’t know why, perhaps it comes with time and the fact that we’ve all worked in some form of transformational training for most of our careers.

Whenever we ‘Souls’ get together, we follow a simple format: each one of us shares what’s going on in our life and what’s bothering us, and then the rest of us say whatever we have to say. Sometimes, we coach each other (if we’re requested to do so). We laugh a lot. And we cry a lot too, because there is always at least one of us who is going through a rough spot. This time, one of our guys is dealing with a very scary carcinoma and he shared the exploration he’s doing with a variety of spiritual practices—including yoga, acupuncture, meditation, attitudinal healing and diet—that an M.D. has recently proved have either preventive or healing impact on patients and people at risk. These were shown to have a positive impact on immunity, energy and what he called ‘hope’ (what I would call ‘possibility’).

What was missing from the list was prayer. Our group has never talked about this. We all have different viewpoints and experiences of God or ‘Spirit’. A few of us are either very philosophical or, in one or two cases, atheistic. But what was very interesting is that all of us prayed—even the individuals who professed not to believe (their ‘prayer’ took the form of a ‘conversation’ with the Universe).

Prayer is, I think, basic to life and human existence and our general wellbeing. I say this because I think that, regardless of one’s beliefs, we all live in a relationship with the world in which we are either ‘in our head’ or somehow able to ‘get outside ourselves’ for some period of time. Prayer is a practice that connects us with whatever we can acknowledge is ‘not us’—a Higher Power. It doesn’t matter whether the Higher Power is a philosophical abstraction, a deity, Nature, ‘the Force’ from Star Wars or maybe just a fellowship of other people.

In a very real sense, prayer is one way we connect with possibility—with everything that isn’t ‘real’. When we are connected to this ‘space’, we are in touch with our intention, our creative nature, our power and our vulnerability. Prayer naturally evokes humility, gratitude and acceptance. It acknowledges the mystery of life and all that is unthinkable. When things occur in our life that we can’t explain, we may call it “God’s Will” or a miracle. Sometimes we thank our Higher Power. I don’t think God is an actor causing things to happen, making decisions about what will or won’t happen in my life, but I do think there is some correlation between my state of being in the world and the results I experience.

When I pray, I am ‘being’ in touch with something approximating the truth of my relationship with the greater Universe. I trust the process of life. I trust that the Universe is unfolding as it should, and that whatever is occurring is neither good nor bad—it is just what is. I can relax and accept that I don’t have control over people, places or things and experience some serenity and peace of mind.

Most of all, prayer gives me the possibility of choice. Without some form of Higher Power, something larger than ‘myself’, I’d be forever trapped within the limits of my own mind, condemned to a self-referential relationship with life. I’d be limited to a world of my own thinking without any possibilities for magic, miracles and love.  

And so I pray.

Like to read more of my posts? Visit my site at www.sereneambition.com.

I had a lot of fun yesterday and last night. It was so much fun, I wonder why I don’t have this kind of fun all the time. I am distinguishing between happy and fun here. I am happy most of the time and enjoy what I am doing, but fun is somehow different. The day was spent playing golf with my buddies and then we all went to an Italian cooking school and spent the evening laughing and eating an incredible dinner.  

But what we did isn’t the source of ‘why’ it was fun. I’ve played golf and had great dinners lots of times and while they are enjoyable days, they aren’t—well, as much fun. I think that having fun is a skill or a mood or maybe an attitude. It isn’t a function of the circumstances, it is something we bring to the circumstances. I know some people that always have fun wherever they are. I know a few who seemingly never have fun.

I mention this because as I observe older people (at least in North America), I don’t see a lot of laughter or much evidence that people in their 60s, 70s and 80s are having much fun. It could be that we’re just more reserved in expressing it, although I am more inclined to think we’ve lost touch with ‘how’ to have fun.

I don’t think that having fun is the point to life. There are lots of times and situations when having fun would be inappropriate. What I want to point out is that having fun is a choice—and that we can be conscious about it. Someone once defined enlightenment as ‘lightening up’ or “being less significant”, which is pretty close to the same thing as having more fun. Yesterday, I realized I had drifted into being unconscious in this aspect of life and didn’t know it was missing.

My thoughts on how to recover this capability include:

1. Reconnecting consistently with my body’s needs for diet, exercise and sleep (recognizing that if ‘fun’ is a mood, then it is biological and I need to ‘get in shape’).
2. Checking in with my experience more frequently—for the next few weeks do a ‘fun audit’ to notice whether I am having fun or not.
3. Recognizing whether others I am with are having at least as much fun as I am.
4. Relaxing more and hanging out with more friends (since having fun, being relaxed and being with friends seem to be somehow related)
5. Being committed to having fun before something happens.
6. Not taking life so seriously.

I’d love to hear from you if you have other ‘tips’ on having fun…and feel free to share what you do that is fun by leaving a comment.

Like to read more of my posts? Visit my site at www.sereneambition.com.

I am spending a few days with a group of my best buddies. We call our gang the ‘Old Souls’. This started about 7 years ago when nine of us from all over the USA gathered at Vince’s farm for a long weekend, generally to talk about whatever was on our minds to and specifically to discuss our experiences and reflections as we entered mid-life. We’ve been gathering three times a year at various locations ever since. Some of the faces have changed over the years. Gary went to India to experience and express himself spiritually: he has found Grace and peace and is living the life of a genuinely holy man. Tom, the youngest member, is following another path and has lost any real connection with us. And a few new men have joined us in the last few meetings.

These ‘Old Souls’ are my friends and, more importantly, they are teaching me friendship. I know that may sound strange. We mostly think of friendship as a fact of relationship or as a state of affairs: we rarely consider it something we ‘learn’ or perhaps a competency we can master. I am discovering that friendship isn’t about the time we spend together (which I am sure is not a surprise to anyone who has ever reconnected with an old friend and picked up exactly where you left off the last time you saw each other). It is for me more of a ‘space’, an opening for something extraordinary to appear. When I am with my friends and I am ‘being’ a friend, I experience a kind of happiness—even joy—that is not present in most relationships. I feel safe and ‘known’ and appreciated in a way that is very special and unique. I experience love in a very empowering way.

Friendship, of course, can take many forms. I think the nature of friendship changes over time, not just with particular friends, but in general. I am much more ‘tuned in’ now to my friendships—not only with these men, but also with many others of both genders—as being at the center of the commitments I have in the world. These are commitments to trusting, to giving, to caring, to being there for others. In a way, true friendship brings out the best in us—the human capacity to be open and vulnerable to others, to let go of pretense, to recognize ourselves in the best (and worst) of others, and also to learn compassion for them and ourselves.

I have often said that relationship is the foundation for everything. Without powerful and committed relationships, we would not have communication, coordination would be mechanical, and our lives and futures would be circumstantial at best. Relationships are the possibility for innovation, learning, synergy and power beyond what is available to us as individuals. Relationship is the most basic phenomenon of human consciousness.

We are our relationships.

And of all of our relationships, friends are those for whom we have the most affinity, with whom we generally want to spend time with. Friends often remember who we are even when we forget. This does not mean that friendship cannot also have a dark side. Sometimes friendships can become conspiracies when we agree to tolerate each other’s negative attributes, rather than empower each other to do something about them. In the case of my ‘soul brothers’, we are fortunate in that we are committed to the best in each other and are not reluctant to ‘talk straight’ when someone gets off track.

I am grateful for all of my friends, both in this group and in the rest of my life. I think my gratitude and appreciation of them grows with each passing year. At the end of the day, I believe friends are one of the aspects of this existence that makes life worth living.

Like to read more of my posts? Visit my site at www.sereneambition.com.

I am having a hard time finding anything good to say about the news media in North America these days. I hate to think this, but perhaps I am becoming a curmudgeon. For example, I was impressed by the rapid coverage of the tragedy in Minneapolis with the bridge collapse. Within minutes of the occurrence, CNN, NBC, FOX and CBC were ‘on it’. We had heard about all there was to hear within a few hours, and then we witnessed some pretty good coverage of the rescue efforts.

But going into day six, we were still getting darn near round-the-clock replays of the scene, along with endlessly repetitive and inane fillers of reporters interviewing reporters and speculating on what may or may not be the cause of the collapse. Naturally all the stations are ‘investigating’ who we should blame and hold responsible. All this weighted with emotionally manipulative ‘camera-in-your-face’ questioning of survivors and family members to see what it ‘feels like’ to lose everything. Arrgh!!!!

This sort of mindless media isn’t new. Unfortunately, many of us have become a bit numb to it, but if we think about it, we can still muster up a bit of latent disgust. As I remember it, the media has been filling innumerable hours of TV coverage by riding this wave of non-stop ‘spectator’ analysis ad nauseam ever since the OJ trial. I don’t think the media is stupid, so they must think there is enough of an audience lapping it up to have advertisers keep coming back. CNN is the worst as far as I can see. They have it down to a formulaic ‘style’: add enough dramatic music, a catchy slogan like “Bridge Watch”, lots of visual ‘twirls’ and it almost seems like there is some content there.

My interpretation is that nobody is watching it— the electronic “Nielson” thinks there are viewers but most of us have more or less tuned it out and left the room and forgotten to turn off our sets. It’s the only explanation that makes any sense. Nonetheless, whatever the case, here are my suggestions for those who want to ‘take a stand’ against mindless media:

• Turn off the set when you’ve heard the same coverage more than twice
• Turn off any newscaster telling you what you just heard someone else say
• Turn off any newscaster saying over and over again, “We don’t know anything…”
• Turn off any newscaster interviewing other newspersons and representing their opinions as actual news. Be particularly wary of ‘experts’ touting their opinions (such as retired Generals) who have been hired by the media as interviewees to make broadcasts more ‘newsworthy’.
• Turn off any newscaster who is emotionally manipulating views by asking victims of a tragedy how it ‘feels’ to lose a loved one, their home or their ‘dignity’
• Turn off any news program that is built around the personality of the reporter
• Turn off any news program that gives “top of the news headlines” and then repeats those same headlines and sound bytes as the full story itself
• Turn off any news conference where reporters are giving opposite sides of an argument with lots of yelling and hysterical behavior (it’s fake anyway)
• Turn off any ‘investigation’ that doesn’t show both sides of the issue—you can always find proof for your point of view if you look hard enough
• Turn off any editorials disguised as news
• Turn off any news channel that appears to be systematically slanting stories to support a particular political or corporate agenda

This will leave lots of time for movies and other programming. It also leaves time for exercise, communing with nature, and talking to other people you know about what they are thinking and doing about all the things you used to watch on TV.

Like to read more of my posts? Visit my site at www.sereneambition.com.